Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The Answers I'm Looking For

Just a snippet from my first unnamed book. I'm quite proud of myself at the moment. I've been wondering just how I was going to bring God up in this book when, before I realized it and completely without any planning, AnnDrew was about to eat; and of course she had to pray first. And I suddenly realized...well, that was easy! I hadn't even tried.

I'm probably going to look back on this (and the rest of the scene...this is only a bit of it) and think, Did I really think that was so awesome? It's terrible!, but for now I'm quite happy about it.

She set one of the cups next to Alex's bowl, one next to her own, and held out her hand to him. He looked at it, unsure what he was supposed to do. 
AnnDrew looked at him quizzically. "Don't you usually pray before you eat?" 
"Yeah. To thank God for providing what we're about to eat. We hold hands because we're thanking Him together." 
"Oh." Alex took her hand, though still confused. AnnDrew smiled, then bowed her head, closed her eyes, and began to talk to someone Alex couldn't see. He was still watching her when she finished the prayer and began eating.

What do you think? Criticize it, please! I have so much trouble finding people who say something more than "I like it" or, when asked if they noticed anything, "I don't really, well, you put an extra space here". Nothing wrong with that but I'd really like someone to be brutally honest.

  • Is there anything about the wording that seems awkward, that I should change?
  • Are there any spelling/grammatical errors I've missed?
  • What impression does this give you of Alex?
  • What impression does this give you of AnnDrew?
  • Are there any discrepancies?
  • Do I repeat any words or phrases too much?
  • Were you confused by anything?

Obviously, the bit I've shared in this post isn't much to go by, but those are some of the questions I'm wanting answered.

Leave a comment! I'd love to hear anything you might have to say.


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