Sob Story

"It slowly doesn't even matter anymore."

I heaved a deep breath as I desperately tried to stop.

Tried to stop crying.

Tried to stop thinking.

Tried to stop feeling anything.

I was once a master of hardness.

Not hard-heartedness.

I still cared.

I just cared too much.

And so I shut off the feeling of it.

Now I'm stuck in a reality where I've allowed feelings in.

I allowed the walls to fall.

I allowed these things to happen.

And the reason I allowed it is the reason I wish I hadn't.

While at the same time still glad that I had.

Your secrets don't bother me.
My own do, but yours don't.
No one's do, no one's but mine.
None seem so dark as these, even when they are.
They're only a shadow of my own.
Of course I'll still love you.

No need to fear, you aren't alone.
I'm here, I understand.
I'll talk you up and hold you down.
After you fall you'll stand.

Tell me everything you've done, child.
Tell me everything you can.
Tell me all you thought and saw.
I promise I'll understand.

"Copper, you're my best friend."

"And you're mine, too, Tod."

"And we'll always be friends forever. Won't we?"

"Yeah, forever."

(The Fox and the Hound)

And in the end,
they were.



  •> this is to all who are and will be mine <•> I love you <•  

Impossibly Possible

It's February 29th. Leonardo DiCaprio has won an Oscar. And I'm in a place of life I never dreamed I'd be.

Rare and impossible things are beginning and continuing this year, and I'm going to be a par5t of them in my own life, for the rest of my life. God has brought me to a place where I can begin to make a bigger difference in the world than ever before, and I shall be taking these opportunities, seizing these moments, and making the best of them.

Yesterday at church, Tara ____ from the ____ County Department of Human Resources (also the foster parent of over twenty children and adoptive parent of four) did a presentation before both services. Before the evening service, she played this video:

Statistically, I am supposed to be dead, in jail, or homeless. So what happened? ONE. CARING. ADULT.More videos & resources at: http://joshshipp.com/get-started
Posted by Josh Shipp on Monday, February 8, 2016

Afterword, Pastor gave his message. He's been going through the Beatitudes in Matthew 5, and tonight he preached on "the merciful", on mercy and grace.

I wrote this post on a day that doesn't exist. Anything is possible. 

Glitches in Simple Existence

My crazy kitten running around the basement, chasing the air.

A letter written, if it counts as that.

Birthday wishes given, via picture post on Facebook.

I've gotten a lot accomplished for the 23-02 hours.

Still not sleeping.

Why does a single person matter so much to simple existence? Why does it matter that this person is in another place? How is the next room any different than the next county? Yet somehow it is.

Written last night, or this morning, just after 2am.

I fell asleep somewhere close to 4am, I think. And so of course when I was woken up around 5:30am, I barely stirred. I truly woke about 9am, realizing it was most certainly not 6am and that I only barely had just enough time to make the 3hr trip and still be early enough for my plans.

When your sister turns 16 six days after you turn 21, plans are sure to be had. When you arrive in perfect timing to find the realization that she needed a physical and did not get one, plans are sadly changed. Plans that have been in place for quite literally years. But, things happen, life moves, times change and people learn. Which can be half the fun of living, sometimes. Even the hard ones, the ones you endure through to the other end. On that other end, though, you always find better than you could ever have hoped for, if you truly endure through to that end. The good times lead to better, as do the bad. You learn that as you live.

Several days off, fought for but won. You'd think it would be simpler, having had this planned since years past. But... you know, people. Mistakes happen. I'm here. It's all good.

I never seem to write anymore, just ramble.

Stories, characters, swirl in my head but never land. I need the time to discipline my thoughts, perhaps. But they can be like a flag: best shown when flying free. I only need the post to tie them down to, to keep them from tangling in the wind and the trees and getting lost on the globe in the atmosphere.

Hopefully some of this makes sense. I tend to get wordy and no one knows what I'm saying.

Quick Sketch - Sammy

"Sammy, this way."

"I know, Dean. And it's Sam, not Sammy," he mumbled in response.

Sam followed his older brother as they hunted the creature their father had been tracking. Dean insisted on calling him that, and on treating him like some little kid. He was fourteen, and he'd been hunting for years now. He just wanted a little respect for once.

He jumped when Dean stopped him with an arm across the chest. "Watch it, Sammy!"

Sam looked down. He'd nearly stepped in a trap. He sighed. He'd never get it right.

Suddenly, he was on the ground. Something had knocked him over, something that Dean was currently trying to shoot the crap out of.

John appeared through the trees on the opposite side of the thing. Together, he and Dean put that you-know-what down. It was only then that Sam realized he'd simply watched the entire fight, which had lasted only a short moment.

Failed, again.

He just wanted to be normal, yet that wasn't an option. And so he tried to be this, but he was always last in line behind his father and brother. They always took over, he was just the boring researcher who made friends with the hunted.

Hey, there. Curious?

I've been nominated for something. I'm not exactly sure what, but I guess it looks like fun, and another post couldn't hurt just now. (Thanks, wisdomcreates!)

1. Did you always love writing? I guess that depends on what you mean.
2. Do you keep a personal journal/diary? Heh. I've attempted at times, but this blog is the closest and best thing to that that I've gotten.
3. How long have you been blogging? Since November 2012? (I think.) Though I started this blog, and actual blogging in March of 2014. The first one was only made because I wasn't allowed on Facebook, but was told I could have a blog. So... I had no idea what I was supposed to do on here. U
4. Have you ever read the whole Bible? Yes.
5. If you found a baby dinosaur in your backyard, what would you do? Give it to my sister to raise.
6. Are you an oldest, somewhere in the middle, or youngest child in your family? Oldest of five. Girls.
7. What is something artsy -- other than writing -- that you enjoy doing? Music? Drawing? Painting? Dance? Photography? Etc? I don't know... several random things, I suppose.
8. What is something you like to do outdoors? Run. Does that count? A lot of things, I guess.
9. If you saw an old man with a weapon threatening your parents, what would you do? (Sorry for the dark question. It's writerly research.) Sneak up behind him.
10. What is one word that you would like people to use to describe you? Um? That's a secret.

When Life Gives You Lemons

Throw them at people. Obviously. 

Hello, darlings! I'm back.

Again.

That title was totally and entirely random.

I've been needing to write something for the most very longest time ever.

But I haven't had half a moment to actually do so.

As of right now, I have about half an hour.

Hmph.            

 

Let me tell you the story of when I was a little child.

 

I used to run through the fields and climb the trees. I used to chase the birds and gawk at the snakes. When I was a little child.

 

I couldn't be stopped, I wouldn't stop, I ran as fast as I could. I had to get to the end of this place, I wouldn't have stopped if I could.

 

Now I'm grown and the things I've known have changed so much and it's crazy. To think of the things I've come to be, now that I'm grown, a bit hazy.

 

I still run around and I go and I go and no one can think to stop me. It's just another place I'm running that race of getting to the end and victory.

 

Well. That wasn't exactly what I was expecting.

 

At least I feel a bit better now, now that I've gotten some words out.

It's been so very long.

Blue Cheese

I should not be awake right now. But I am, browsing Paper Fury. Typing this from my iPad because my internet-disabled laptop is stuck in the office and I am simply not getting out of bed, opening the door of my icebox room, walking through the gooey warmness of the hall with its abnormal heated floors, and sitting down in that office chair, just to type this post. Not when I can sit in bed and do it nearly just as well and certainly more comfortably. I do need to get myself a new laptop... Eventually. Eventually, I shall. Not long now. First, though, a job. You know, the kind that pays you that green paper people are so interested in these days.

It's 3:44am and I'm still awake. I've been listening to OneRepublic while reading The Mark of Athena. I'm on page 331 now. Yes, I'm a twenty-year-old reading the infamous Percy Jackson series and listening to a band called OneRepublic. Don't judge, they're awesome. All things considered.

!¡!spoilers beyond!¡!

to not in
an not and
but whatever
still awesome

Nico is suffocating in a jar, Leo is Sammy's great-grandson (I figured that out as soon as Frank saw the picture in Hazel's old room. Yes! Points for me.), and Annabeth is as infuriating as ever (though she does occasionally have her moments). Also, why is Annabeth even on this trip? The seven most powerful demigods, or whatever. Okay, so Jason and Percy are automatic choices because they're currently the only children of Zeus and Poseidon (besides Thalia), which are always the strongest. But Jason seems more powerful than Thalia, and I think we can assume that Percy is more so than other children of the sea god, so that works great. Besides, Jason and Percy are wonderful together (as friends). Moving on. Leo is clearly an extremely powerful son of Hephaestus. Hazel is a big three demigod and cursed with this incredible ability. Frank... well, he's got all that family heritage as well as being a son of Mars. Piper is also the most powerful of the children of Aphrodite, with her charmspeak and all. Here's my point. How does this include Annabeth? Besides the fact that she's smart (like all children of Athena) and happens to be Percy's girlfriend? Especially when you compare her to Nico, the surprisingly powerful son of Hades. He can control dead people. Annabeth or Nico? Hmm. Difficult choice. You think Jason and Percy can do amazing things when they combine talents? Imagine what Nico, Jason, and Percy could do: all three domains working together. Instead we've got Nico stuck in a deathtrance with now less than two days to live, and smartstuff Annabeth dropping her jaw every time Percy actually knows something. Maybe he was clueless in the beginning, but he's now almost seventeen with five years of demigodding under his belt. Of course he knows things.

¡!¡end spoilers¡!¡

But hey, it's all good. Shamelessly ranting over a kids' story. It's 4:01am, okay? It's all good.

Spoiler button isn't working properly. Fine. I'll go to the office. Snack on the way? Maybe...

4:31am. See you in a moment. Or two. Ish.

...and I'm back. No snack. I thought about it as I walked through the kitchen. Mentally perused the selection. But nothing. Oh, wait, I forgot about those jalapeno mozzarella cheese sticks... might go back for one of those. What I really want right now is an amazing fruit smoothie and some Oreos. Doublestuf Vanilla right now. Yes. Or Cookie Dough, always cookie dough. And YES, they DO exist. They were even DoubleStuf.

*ahem*

Honestly, I'm mostly just too lazy. Everything takes too much effort to make. And right now, cheese sticks require getting up and walking again just to walk back. Nah, I'm good.

*ahem* again

Spoiler button worked. Simple. Just couldn't do it on the iPad, because it has no 'delete' key on the keyboard. That is all.

The Ramon is gone. And there was plenty yesterday. Where have they gone?!

Okay, back to Paper Fury with me. And then maybe The Mark of Athena. Or perhaps, if I'm lucky, sleeeeeeep.

         

.

I finished the post content at 4:43. It's now 5:17am and I'm about to post. Retyping (because format

issues), proofreading, picture placement, and final formatting. Yes, it occasionally (who am

I kidding? Usually) takes that long...

It's important to me, okay?

.